Day 104 - On Hearing Somebody Defiantly Declare "I'm Your Slave, Not Your Maid!", On Getting My Ass Merrily Whipped for Being an Insolent Brat, On Realizing Just How Different I am From Some of the "Slaves" In the Local BDSM Community, and On Coming Up With the Definition of "Consensual Slavery" to End All Debates (I Hope)

“I’m your slave, not your maid!”

Those are among the most ridiculous words I’ve ever heard uttered by anybody in the local BDSM community, and I heard them tonight at a meeting for area submissives at the Denver Sanctuary.

It was my first time to attend, and I was rather excited about meeting other slaves.

Turns out there was quite a bit of a gulf between most the other people there and myself.

The topic tonight was on “safe words and have we ever used them.” A “safe word,” by the way, is a verbal way for a slave or submissive or bottom or whatever to indicate that they’ve crossed their limit (such as during physical torture) and that things HAVE to stop NOW! As you can guess, it’s meant to be used very rarely, pretty much only in emergencies.

Well, I talked about how, as a slave, I never use a safe word, and that led to a discussion about the nature of slavery.

About that time one of the people who head the group, a woman who self-identifies as a slave, said her so-called Master commanded her to do some domestic work, and she refused, responding, “I’m your slave, not your maid!”

I stared at her in shock for a long time.

Another woman, who identified as a submissive, said she would not accept a “long to-do list” from her dominant. To her, being a submissive meant allowing her husband to choose the movie they watched and the dinner he took them out to see and what kind of fun they had in bed afterward.

When I, on the other hand, started talking about how to me being a slave was primarily about service, I got a few of my own stares of shock from the other people in the room.

It was about then that I got a bit of an epiphany and realized the difference between me and most so-called “slaves” in the BDSM lifestyle. I came into this from a Gorean background, where a slave is fully owned by their Master in every way. When I think of slavery, I think of non-consensual slavery, where a slave has to do anything and everything their owner demands. To me, slavery is about service, and anything regarding BDSM or sex is just icing on the cake, a reward for good service. In contrast, most people in the room consider slavery to primarily be about BDSM, with the non-kinky aspects thrown on top as an annoyance. Without the BDSM or sex, I would still be a slave. But for most of the other people there tonight, without the BDSM or sex, there would be no point in the slavery. My relationship with Master is slavery flavored by BDSM. Their relationship with their Masters is BDSM flavored by slavery.


I tried to explain to the people there that what I got out of being a slave came from the ownership itself, from being the property of my Master, from having my Master take responsibility for me and control of my life. For his allowing me to follow the true path of my heart.

Only two people seemed to understand my mindset – the slave of Master T, who is a very good friend of my Master, and a woman I met at the paddling party. She self-identifies as a submissive, but by the end of the meeting she was saying she may just be a slave after all. For her, the time she spends with her dominant is centered around BDSM, but she said tonight she couldn’t imagine every disobeying him, she allows him to control her diet when they’re not together, she would change her daily plans at his request, and she would do housework or anything else he might request. I’d say that makes her a slave without a doubt. But the problem is there’s no real consensus on what a slave is, as indicated by some of my very first posts in this blog.

Or is there?

When I was talking afterward to my Master about the meeting, we were laughing about that one woman, and I said she was in no way a slave.

But then, I realized that some people would say I’m not a slave because my slavery is consensual.

Hmmm … Y’know, “slavery” has a definition in the dictionary … let’s see …

“Slavery: When a person is the legal property of another and is forced to obey them.”

Using that as a base, I I think I’ve finally come up with the definitive definition for “consensual slavery”. It was the “maid, not a slave” woman who inspired me to write it. Instead of determining what slavery is, I reverse engineered from her, because I figured (initially) that her relationship was NOT slavery.

Okay, here goes … prepare to etch this in stone …

“Consensual slavery: a particular form of slavery, identified as when two or more people willingly engage in a relationship that emulates slavery within mutually agreed upon personal boundaries.”

Add to that my own definition…

“Slave: a person who is in a slavery based situation or relationship”

Then this, also my own definition …

“Slave-hearted (adj): a person who desires to be a slave”

I can’t see any flaws in those. None. They seem to be straightforward and all encompassing. They’re not judgmental. They just lay down ground rules, and if there are flaws in them, I would really like to know of them.

(By the above definitions, by the way, a person cannot be a slave unless they are owned. That simply makes sense to me. I believe a person can be “slave hearted” but not a slave unless they actually are in a slavery based relationship.)

If everybody would agree to those definitions, I think a lot of arguments could be avoided. People would accept whether somebody was in, or was not in, a Master/slave relationship (versus a Dominant/submissive relationship). And then people, instead of arguing about whether their slavery is better (or more real) than somebody else’s slavery, they could accept that there are simply different types of slavery.

For example, I’m a currently living full-time as a domestic slave in a Victorian household setting. My personal boundary is that my relationship with my Owners cannot interfere with my relationship with my children (who live outside of my home with my ex).

Somebody else may be a Gorean kajira, and may have the boundary that her Master cannot access the financial savings that she brought into the relationship.

Somebody else may be a generic sex slave, and may have the boundaries that she will only be a slave at her Owner’s home on weekends and will never do domestic chores.

According to my definitions, the fact that I do the dishes as part of my slavery and somebody else does not doesn’t negate the fact that we’re both in slavery relationships. Neither does the fact that I allow myself to be fucked and sexually used by anybody my Owner desires, and some full-time slaves have told me they would never allow themselves to be used by anybody but their Master.

A personal boundary from somebody might be “we are only going to emulate a monogamous sexual slavery relationship,” and so if the relationship starts to move toward more domestic duties (such as the Master ordering the slave to do the dishes), the slave could refuse within the limits of their relationship.

In my personal opinion, the fewer limits a slavery relationship has, the more realistic it is. The more limits it has, the more it’s just roleplaying to me. Or just BDSM to me. Or something to me that’s not based on non-consensual historical slavery.

And I want a realistic slavery relationship because I feel that’s who I am. It’s what I am at heart.

A slave. A real slave, not just somebody who’s pretending to be one.

La kajira!

p.s. The “I’m a slave, not a maid” woman also said during the meeting that, while she identifies as being a slave, she admits she is not a very good one. She also claimed to be a “feminist slave,” whatever that means.

I told that to Master, and he said what he’s amazed about is not that she said what she said to her Master, but that she lived to tell about it afterward. But then, Master said that possibly, as the woman claims to not be a good slave, most likely her Owner isn’t what most people would consider a good Owner.

With that in mind … a little while after that conversation, Master was walking up the stairs, and I called forth in a mock haughty voice, “Oh, look, here comes my awful slave! I bet he will refuse to obey any of my commands and will instead attempt to order me around. Of course, me, being an awful Mistress, will allow him to do so and …”

I wasn’t able to say much more than that, as Master had very calmly, upon hearing my words, reached for the leather strap he keeps on a wall near the kitchen.

Very soon, I was directed to bend over the couch, and my ass got a very sound and painful whipping, through which I giggled to no end.

“Anything else to say, ‘Mistress’?” he asked afterward with a glare and a grin.

I very wisely remained quiet and, when he returned to his couch, quickly ran in front of him, kneeled on the ground, and gently kissed his feet, returning a gentle peace to the atmosphere.

*grins and winks*