The Life of a Bondwoman - Day 7

Bondwoman.

Mistress and I talked some more about it, and that's what we determined I am.

"Servant" was troubling me because it is too general, I thought. But Mistress strongly feels "slave" isn't right. And we looked around and found that there is, indeed, something in between. "Bondwoman": a woman bound (by contract or honor, for example) to serve without wages.

Yeah, I know I might be fixated on semantics regarding this. Looking at the big picture, it doesn't really make any difference what I'm called.

But for me, for this all to be true and real and meaningful, I want to separate everything from roleplaying.

Mistress said it before, and the more I think about it, the more I agree with her -- calling yourself a consensual "slave" is roleplaying. It's putting yourself into a box that isn't truly realistic, somewhat like people who are obsessed with Star Trek's Klingon's saying they're "consensual Klingons" because they hold tightly to the Klingon ideas of honor, family pride and such.

Saying to yourself that you're a slave brings a lot of connotations that aren't real, and can become a crutch.

I don't want crutches anymore. I want to be real in what I am.

And a bondwoman is it.

It is exactly what I am. And I take joy in it.

During the last week I've been talking with a woman online who is curious about SecondLife and Gor.

SecondLife, by the way, is an online virtual reality. As opposed to online "games" such as World of Warcraft or Everquest, SecondLife has no defined goal or set of quests. Instead, everything in it is created by the people who use SecondLife.

It is often said that SecondLife wouldn't have survived the six years since it was released if not for two groups of users: the furries (people who are fascinated with anthromorphic animals) and the Goreans. I have heard there are hundreds of Gorean "sims," which are land parcels dedicated to a particular theme. And all of them potentially work together to create a massive online simulation of Gor.

At first, I told the woman to just be careful regarding Gor. But the more she and I have talked, the more I've become discouraging of her involvement. She's recently come to agree with me. So has Mistress, as you'll see below. She wants me to get Gor out of my system because it's so polarized. Everything is black and white, with the grey aspects removed from the philosophy altogether, like "newspeak" from the novel 1984. You're either free or slave. And if you're a woman, you're naturally submissive, so all women should be made into slaves. Not exactly a pleasant set of ideas.

Here's what I wrote in my last letter to the woman after she inquired about several issues, including whether there are still slaves in the real world:

My friend,

Forget about SecondLife for a moment. Forget about Gor.

There really are places in the world where there are slaves.

As sick as the thought may be, Gor exists in a fashion on Earth today. Every day, women are kidnapped and forced into horrible lives of sexual slavery.

Maybe I shouldn't have encouraged you to experiment with Gor. Truly, the Gor of the books is a horrible place in almost every way. Fortunately, SecondLife Gor is much nicer. Well, sometimes it is.

I have a slave/servant/ submissive heart. And I am not ashamed of it.

BUT ...

I find the idea of non-consensual slavery to be so reprehensible it defies words.

And the Gorean books make light of that. Non-consensual slavery is not just accepted in the Gorean philosophy, it is encouraged.

Here is a true story for you. A former potential Master of mine had two friends in real life who were married. They vacationed in Dubai a few years ago. They left the city and visited a public market. The husband was 10 meters away from his wife and looked around and she was gone. He hired detectives and got the police involved, but to no avail. It turned out she was captured and sold as a slave, for sex and for anything else her buyers would desire.

Just like in Gor.

Here's another true story. A different Master I care for and highly respect told me he got into a public argument with his wife in a seedy bar while they were in Canada a couple of decades ago. While they were still in the bar, a man approached the Master I know and offered him $30,000 for his wife to take her off his hands. He, of course, did not take the offer. Later, however, he confirmed from reliable sources that the slaver was real, and that, if he had sold his wife, she would have been enslaved for life, most likely in a sex brothel.

Gor is real. And it's happening on Earth.

And yet people applaud and try and live in real life a philosophy based on a series of books in which women are captured and sold and forced to endure horrible lives as sex slaves.

Yes, in the books, some women are happy as slaves. The books try to sugar coat the idea of reducing a woman's life to one of being an object to be bought and sold and used for any purpose, with no will of her own.

But even in the books, especially in the first ones in the series, women openly lament slavery, and wail and cry at the idea of being forced into such a life. Even the Gor books at first admit it's a horrible concept.

And yet the hero of the books openly says over and over and over again that forced slavery of women is a good thing, and all women are a slave at heart.

*sighs*

And yet, after writing all that, I admit that even I am drawn to Gor. Why? Because it's a place to live out our deepest, darkest fantasies. To come face to face with a terror that lies in the heart of almost any woman.

My real-life Mistress and I talked tonight more about the idea of consensual slavery. She said she doesn't want me to think of myself as a slave because, simply put, I'm not one, and the idea is repulsive to her.

I am, to be precise, a bondwoman. I have agreed to serve my Mistress without payment.

I take pride in being the best servant I can be.

But she's right. Being a slave is a sickening idea.

Mistress tonight officially forbade me from returning to SecondLife Gor. Nor can I read any more Gorean books, nor visit people I know who practice the Gorean lifestyle. Mistress said she is determined to pull me once and for all away from Gor for my own good, so if you see me in SecondLife anytime soon, it'll be in Tombstone.

My Mistress said she doesn't own me and doesn't want to. She is happy to control my actions in her household. But she said she doesn't want to control my life. She wants me to be the best woman I can be. Not a slave, but a free woman who willingly gives of myself in service to her.

I was trained by my parents to be a very submissive housewife, and I'm fulfilling my training by living with my Mistress as her bondwoman. I trust her. I love her. And, so far, I'm happy with her, and she is happy with me.

In response to your question, "playing" with another person means sexual activities, usually of the BDSM variety. To be honest, I'm a normal woman. I've had some wild times and done some things for the sake of excitement, but now that I've found my Mistress I'm for the most part perfectly happy being just with her. She protects me by having to approve who I get to spend time with, and for that I'm very glad.

Could I be auctioned off? If I was really into being a slave, I could be. I've known women who have allowed themselves to be sold or given away to a different Master. To be honest, though, such transfers of ownership are usually arranged at the request of the slave after she finds a different Owner she desires to be with. However, some consensual slaves in my area are so deeply immersed in their role that their Master could choose to sell them to somebody else, and they would go along with it. One woman I know was going to allow herself to be given by her Master to a man she didn't like and didn't want to serve in a different part of the country simply because she was so dedicated to the concept of being a slave that she would have let it happen to her. Fortunately, they came to an agreement and she is still with him. Again, however, the key word is "consensual. " She would have allowed it. Nobody pounces on anybody in our country and forces them to be a slave. Well, not legally. I've heard it sometimes happens even in our country. But then, so does rape and murder. All the time. It's a risk that's part of being a woman. Heck, it's part of being human, male or female. It's part of life.

You don't need any money, either Lindens or RL cash, to be a Mistress or Master in SL. All you need is confidence. There are lots of people who like to pretend they're dominant in SL. And there are a lot of people who like to pretend they have a slave heart in SL. But the true Owners ... and the true slaves ... are few and far between. Those that are true to their roles can fulfill their duties without any cash at all.

And, yes, the African-American slave. I was reading to my daughter two days ago about Hariett Tubman, and it sent a chill in my heart to think about how I like to call myself a "slave," and how that contrasts with the reality that black people in our country had to face less than 200 years ago. I felt, to be honest, a bit ashamed at myself for taking the word "slave" a bit too lightly. But that's the nature of our rich, sheltered society, it seems. You can take any horror of reality and make a game about it.

I really can't explain truly how somebody can make somebody their slave and do it in a kind way. To be honest, I've never seen it done, if you take the idea of slavery to it's full extent. Some women give up all of their freedoms, signing over full power of attorney, in an attempt to be as much of a slave as possible. But in every case of that I know of, the person who owns them is a royal asshole who treats them horribly. Some people would say that's a "healthy" consensual sadomasochistic relationship. I, however, think both sides in such a relationship are a bit mentally unbalanced. But who am I, in my situation, to judge? I serve a woman as an unpaid servant, catering to her every whim to the point of letting her painfully beat and slap me not just for discipline but simply because she enjoys it. To each their own, I figure.

You're right. Mistress doesn't own me. But I willingly give myself to her, as her bondwoman. And we're both quite happy in the relationship. I pray that you find happiness in your own relationships as well, however they may be structured.

*lets out a long breath*

I hope this wasn't too depressing. This topic has definitely gone in places I didn't plan, and I hope I'm not upsetting anybody by it.

May all who read this go in peace.

-- schatzie