A paradigm shift has occurred in my life since last I wrote.
I am my Mistress’s "servant," not her "slave."
Two words that are very similar in meaning, yet very different where it counts.
A slave is less than human. A slave is property. A servant, however, is fully human with all associated rights and, as such, deserves respect for their station, their commitment and their sacrifice. And that’s what Mistress said she wants – for me to stop thinking of myself as being less of a person than she is, which is something that is usually tied into the slave mindset.
Oh, and Mistress also commanded me to stop talking in third person. Slaves may do that, but servants don’t, she said.
Why did I even consider myself a slave in the first place?
SecondLife Gor.
Gor has a very binary view of human nature. A person is either dominant or a slave. Period. A person cannot be a “switch,” where they are dominant some times and submissive at other times. A free person cannot be submissive at all. If a person shows any inherent submissiveness, then they are considered to be exhibiting signs of having a slave nature, and legally they can be collared and enslaved on the spot.
As a virtual resident of Gor, I was mentally immersed almost every day in an online culture that espoused a philosophy that said I was inherently a slave, and that the only way I could fulfill my emotional and mental needs would be to submit to somebody to become their possession, owned in all ways. Yes, it was fantasy, and I knew that logically, but if you’re in a virtual reality long enough, your subconscious starts to get a little confused about things. Add to that the fact that Goreans actually try and espouse their views as being legitimately valid as a real-world lifestyle, and you can see how being in SecondLife Gor can affect a person’s real-life mindset.
All of that was enforced not by a subculture both in SecondLife and in real life in which the idea of “consensual slavery” is accepted. There are several stores in my area that sell locking metal collars, one of which I wore for months without removing. Heck, I even have T-shirts I bought on CafePress that say things like “Slave Girl” on the front and give instructions on the back on how I am to be used and disciplined.
The emotional attachment of thinking of myself as a slave came with a lot of things, as can be expected. My self identity was centered around the idea of being a slave. I considered myself to be a woman with a slave heart, and that I was destined to be a slave, and it was the natural course of action for me. I happily shouted “La kajira!” when I thought about my situation. I took pride in being a slave, a woman whose path was leading her to fully giving of herself for another’s desires. I didn’t want to give that up until, faced with the power of Mistress’s arguments last night, I had no mental choice but to do so.
Essentially, my life and my relationship with my Mistress have not changed since last night, but my mindset regarding such things has been distinctly modified. After last night, I’ve found that it’s difficult for me to consider myself a slave again, even though yesterday it seemed perfectly natural.
Last night, while Mistress and I were talking, she came out and said she wasn’t overly happy at the idea of owning a slave, whether it be me or somebody else, even if the slavery is consensual. Naturally, I was initially very concerned and worried she might be wanting to dramatically change our relationship, possibly to the point of either making me her equal (with no servitude on my part) or having me leave her household.
Our resulting conversation lasted hours, only stopping when we both went to bed and continuing to a conclusion this morning.
The core of the issue was the word “slave,” which we have both concluded is incorrect for our situation, with “servant” being far more accurate. Mistress said the concept of maintaining a life as a “consensual slave” is an oxymoron because a slave is, by the nature of slavery, totally owned. A slave cannot have limits, and I do, primarily in regards to my ability to retain a connection with (and maintain my responsibilities toward) my family.
To quote Mistress, "Controlling somebody 100 percent means you're taking responsibility for them 100 percent, and I'm not always able to control myself. It's like saying I'm better than somebody else, and I'm not ... I'm just me."
By both of us thinking of myself as a “servant,” she said, the problems with the situation are solved. To her, “servant” makes her think of the idea of a Victorian maid or butler. Such servants would often live with their owners and be on call at all times (24/7), and they would be willing to do what they were told to do … within limits. What those limits were depended upon the agreement between the Master (or Mistress) and the servant. Some servants would only agree to do the cooking. Others would agree to fulfill pretty much all of their employer’s desires, including sexual service and associated BDSM activities. The compensation the servant received varied as well, with some getting a simple salary, and others being given room and board while having their lives beneficially managed for them in every way. And unless a binding legal contract was signed, the agreement was voluntary on both sides, so a servant could leave when they wanted, or they could be fired and told to live elsewhere.
And the same is true of most so-called “consensual slaves,” she said, and calling themselves “slaves” is a romantic notion that serves no real purpose except to enhance roleplaying. Pretending to be a slave can be great in SecondLife, she said, but she wants the roleplaying removed from our lives so we can concentrate on building up the real relationship that exists.
There are, indeed, “consensual slaves” in Western society who do not have defined limits. I served alongside two at my first Master’s house three years ago. His two full-time slaves surrendered to him all of their possessions, gave him full access to their bank accounts, signed over full power of attorney, and had few if any limits regarding what he could do to them physically. Were they happy? It’s impossible to know for sure, but at least one has remained as his slave for more than four years.
The idea of being a total slave without limits brings with it a bliss that is almost impossible to describe to those who haven’t experienced it. It’s like allowing complete and overwhelming love to fill every fiber of your soul. It’s incredible and unforgettable. It’s like a drug, and it can be addictive. I know that from personal experience. But, like any drug, there can be a crash when it wears off.
There are numerous other reasons a person would desire to be a “consensual slave.” For some, it brings them self-respect in their feelings of being a martyr or in being so selfless. For people who feel they cannot control their own life effectively, they may desire somebody to take responsibility for their decisions in a beneficial way. Others find it to be a kink that excites them sexually, or they get a thrill out of somebody making them do things they would never have the guts to do on their own (such as being taken to a sex club and forced to service all the men there, which is what a former Master had me do once).
Maybe there are people out there for whom such a life could be lived safely and consensually for long periods. But for most people, it’s an infatuation that would soon grow stale if experienced for too long a time (which is why “weekend slavery” is so much more prevalent than an actual full-time live-in situation).
Sometimes people have been seduced into a hasty decision regarding becoming a slave, and they sign everything away while riding on the crest of an emotional wave (such as feeling an overwhelming selfless love for their “Owner”) or they have been tricked into it by somebody who is taking advantage of their naiveté. For some people, by the time they realize they’ve made a mistake, it’s too late, and they’re trapped with having to stay as a slave or leave and face poverty with all their possessions and finances wiped dry. In such extreme cases, the slavery essentially becomes non-consensual, Mistress said, even though the slave entered into it in a consensual manner.
When the slave never wants to leave, and where a relationship of truly total power exchange exists for a long period of time, I’ve found that often the slaves have almost no self respect, are broken emotionally, are mentally unbalanced, are filled with self loathing, or a mixture of those things. While it’s possible that a person could be in a truly total power exchange relationship in a healthy way, I believe it would be very difficult and would take two people perfectly suited for each other. Is that a healthy situation? Maybe in some cases, but it’s certainly open to immense abuse. And, truly, unless the Owner is violating the slave’s legal rights, the slave always has the ability to cut their losses and leave when they desire, meaning they’re not truly slaves at heart.
And, yet, for more than a year, despite all the baggage that comes with the idea, I’ve considered myself destined to be a “slave” in real life after having been one for so long in SecondLife Gor. I’ve at times seriously considered giving up everything in real life to move in with somebody who said they were willing to be the Owner of my dreams. The power of technology is incredible. But, then, it doesn’t take SecondLife to make somebody believe they’re a slave at heart. Most of the full-time slaves I know in real-life have never been in SecondLife Gor. SL just can make the feeling more powerful.
Am I attacking SL? Not at all. It’s a wonderful tool for self-exploration. I’m also not attacking SL Gor, because it can be a wonderful way of finding escape and living a life of rich fantasy and wonder. And SL Gor did allow me to explore my submissive nature in such a way that I realized just how extremely deep-rooted it is in my heart, and it’s led me to accept my natural desire to be a servant, which both Mistress and I consider to be a good thing. The only bad thing was that SL Gor was so powerful that, after lengthy exposure, it was hard to separate reality from fiction in my mind at times.
And so it goes.
I apologize for digressing, but I hope it helped explain the issue in greater detail. Maybe this post won’t be of interest to anybody here, but if it helps even one person, I’ll be glad.
*smiles gently*
-- schatzie
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